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Find Australia gay dance parties and other Australia gay pride events using Fridae Agenda. At 19, Holden Sheppard was stacking shelves at a Perth supermarket and thinking about taking his own life. Sheppard contacted a suicide support service that promised an email back within 24 hours. He would listen to a song, Joining You , by Alanis Morissette, that told him his thoughts were not the only reality. He would listen to this song on repeat. Thousands of followers check in for his latest daily cheeky Instagram selfie, guessing what colour his mohawk will turn next.
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Their stories are full of youthful desire, romance and longing. Betrayal, self-obsession, cruelty, fear and heartbreak. Humour and compassion.
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But by 16 he was forced to confront the reality. A Catholic schoolkid, he knew it was considered a serious sin to be gay. Once, he heard a teacher say the thought of two men together was sickening. From a traditional Italian family, he feared the word finocchio , which stood in for the slur of faggot ; he overheard one extended family member saying they could never live under the same roof as a gay person.
Sheppard worked as a labourer with his father in a town in which manhood meant blue-collar and blokey. I can think of two.
Sheppard kept his sexuality hidden. Throughout the usual activities with friends — raiding the liquor cabinet, watching movies — they would talk about girls and he learnt to do the same. He wore his earphones like armour and avoided having his photograph taken. He has only a handful of photographs from his teenage years.
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That was my whole internal life. That darkness pursued Sheppard to university in Perth. By age 19 he was stacking shelves and the only person who really knew him was the person sending him emails from the crisis support service.